Crazy For Me Means You’re Crazy For Cats … Or Else!

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Ahh, dating. It’s a scene I’m so relieved to be far, far, away from. There’s nothing more painful than when, (during that all-important “Getting to know you” phase), you discover that they leave the toilet seat up, squeeze the toothpaste all wrong, or fart WAY too much! Okay, so maybe those first two aren’t deal-breakers for all you pushovers. But how about the ones we can all agree on, like when they don’t like cats!

*insert collective gasps of horror and hisses of contempt here*

That’s right, peeps! What about when we go to all that effort to bring these ungrateful, undeserving prospectives home only to discover that they have NO cat gene what so ever?! Kick ‘em to the kerb, I say!

So here’s a few tips for any smart ones out there who have realized that their love interest has a “thing” for cats and are studying up on the do’s and don’ts. You’re in luck, sweet pea, because I’m about to give you some kitty GOLD!

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#1 Thou shalt NOT…

Call the cat “It”.

Unless you want the unbridled wrath of each and every cat lover on the planet unleashed on your undeserving butt, you do NOT call the cat “It”. The cat has a name, douche-bag, and if you don’t know what that name is yet, call it something considerate, like “Your kitty”, or “The cutie”, or “Floofy” if you’re looking for additional brownie points 😉 But, the best advice I can give you here is REMEMBER IT’S NAME! Have it tattooed on your hand if you must, but for goodness sake, just remember the cat’s name!!

#2 Thou shalt NOT …

Push the cat away!

Should you be so blessed that your love interest’s feline deigns you worthy of its affection, for the love of Pete, don’t consider yourself above the cat and push it away! Such actions are usually followed with, “Don’t call me. I’ll call you,” and your miserable self dumped back on the dating market shelf!

#3 Thou shalt NOT …

Utter a word of complaint if bitten or scratched!

You should be grateful that this cat is tolerating your presence at all! If it bites or scratches you, you are to accept these gifts of tolerance with humility and love. And if you really want to impress your new Master’s human, you will say, “It’s okay. He/She just doesn’t know me yet. I understand. It’s perfectly okay.”

Don’t make a fuss. If you’re suffering, make your polite excuses and take yourself to a hospital. You might have a nasty infection brewing, but be grateful that the cat left you with a finger at all!

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